Scattered Snapshots

My So-Called Public Life

2009-11-09T19:35:00.005+01:00

Yes, I know, this hasn't been the best year for my pitiful internet presence. I just didn't feel like writing about anything. And then I felt guilty about that. How lame is that? It's not that I have a cult-following here. Haha.

I've also been wondering what this general obsession with making your thoughts and opinions publicly accessible is all about. I mean, I love the opinion page in the newspapers. I enjoy a good public sparring of politicians and public figures. I get a few good giggles from watching Stewart or Colbert. I even like to get riled up by the insanity of FOX News at times.
I guess I'm perfectly fine with opinions in principle (and the internet has made the playing field so much more colorful), it's more the inane status updates, public diaries, and useless trivia that make me wonder.
A few recent newsarticles and TV shows have put this on my mind again...

Yesterday I watched a meta-media magazine on German television. They lamented the decline of quality journalism. Their prime targets were the privately owned TV stations here, where most stories recquire little to no research and are mass-produced to appeal to viewers with five-second attention spans (or so it seems). Interesting example: Flu/Flu shots. Instead of citing facts or asking doctors/researchers, the female "journalist" got the flu shot herself and then reported the next day about slight pain in her arm. OK. WTF is that? Any random person off the street can do the same kind of 'me me me'-reporting.
Frustrating.

A psychotherapist gave an interview about "public relationships". She cited two German celebrities (Boris Becker was one) as examples for people who demonstratively flaunt their love lives (usually rapidly changing partners) in public. The researcher claimed that these personalities have some kind of narcisistic disorder. Well, at least those guys get paid for disclosing private details, ey?

Which brings me to the strange facebook/twitter-phenomenon.
Disclaimer: Yes, I also have a FB account and it is somewhat useful. I like seeing pictures of my friends and sending short messages instead of lengthy emails (which I tend to send very, very infrequently anyway - another source of guilt...).
Nevertheless, I have a hard time understanding why so many people need to update the world at large about the state of their little lives. Who cares about your latest meal, shopping trip, bowel movement? - Yea, OK, maybe somebody does, and I should just ignore the mundane updates and unclench. Probably true. And most days I don't care or mind anyway.
On other days I worry though, because I think there is one side of this "virtual community" and connection with friends, internet buddies and the world: It can trick you into thinking you have a social life.
Sure, you haven't left the house all weekend and you're still in your pajamas, but you've been talking to your friends online all day! Yea, not the same thing as meeting people in person, sharing a meal, playing sports together, taking a walk. A few years ago I was fundamentally lonely, but didn't have to admit it to myself, because I had my buddies on the web.

Don't get me wrong, I love the internet. Talking to people online, looking up random articles and facts, reveling in the unbelievable vastness of this crazy electronic web.
Yet, I don't want to forget the real world: Giving an update to the person sitting across from me at the dinner table. Telling my friends in person that I "like" something they have accomplished. Taking inventory of my unplugged life every once in a while. Checking what my status really is.

New Year, New ... Damnit.

2009-03-05T17:40:00.003+01:00

So much for new year and good intentions...I have not been feeling very productive writing-wise lately. Also, because I have been a little grumpy about winter and the weather and and and..., I might just have whined all the time anyway.

On a more positive note, it was my birthday a couple of weeks ago, and I got my first ever cookie-cake. If I recall correctly (sorry mom, in case this is wrong...), it was also my first ever cake with writing on it. Excellent.
Here it is:

And yes, it was as tasty as it looks. Thank you, Mr.Lara. Haha.

Mythical Creatures

2008-12-09T13:45:00.008+01:00

I am not kidding about this. The Dutch are only part human. My guess is 50%. The other half is bicycle.

The Dutch are so ridiculously comfortable and secure on their bikes; and they assume everybody else is, too. Doesn't bother me as much as it cracks me up.
If you ride your bike during rush hour, you better be prepared to go with the flow...Cyclists are going fast and biking with a purpose. Some of my colleagues find it a little dangerous to venture out during 'peak biking times'...

But the Dutch don't just go fast, they multi-task on their bikes: I've seen people on bikes talking on their cell phone, eating frites (French fries) and smoking. No big deal, you say? They do it all at the same time! Haha. Yes, I am exaggerating a little...
Taking the cake so far: A young woman with a big textbook propped up between the handlebars, studying while biking. Now that's too much even for my taste...Sheesh.

At any rate, here are some pictures from the land of bikes:

Bike 'parking' at Den Haag Central Station.

Yes, they have guarded, underground bike parking. Awesome.

Additional info: After I typed this up, I has a smallish bike accident on my way home. Too much bike-craziness apparently. Two dudes overtaking two other dudes on a two-lane-bikepath. In the dark. Going too fast.
I was able to brake and avoid the first biker. Second one, not so much. Found myself sitting on the ground. Boo. We were both fine, and he seemed a lot more shaken up than me. Dumbass. Your mistake and I couldn't even yell at you because you were so shocked. Great.

This Is Your Life

2008-12-08T13:44:00.009+01:00

Just a quick follow-up to the last post about the new year, new goals and such.

It's (hopefully) too early to ponder my lifetime achievements, but here's one thing that's on my list for 2009 and beyond:
No, not having my own show (even though that sounds good, too), but:

to be a guest on NPR's Talk of the Nation (Best. Show. Ever.) and chat with Neal Conan. In person, if at all possible.

To be invited to the show would be awesome enough, quite frankly, but if I'm coming up with outrageous lifetime goals, might as well go all out:
Neal and I would either chat about my groundbreaking and highly hilarious research (something worthy of an Ig Nobel Award) or my (both best-selling and critically acclaimed) novel.

Ah, Neal. Nice, educated, articulate, listening. Neal.
Call me.

Are We There Yet?

2008-12-08T11:26:00.005+01:00

A little more than three weeks left in this year...
For some reason I'm not too thrilled with 2008. Not sure why. Nothing bad happened to me, I've been amazingly healthy, and the same goes for the ones I care for. Still, somehow feel a little 'meh' about 2008.

It's been pointed out to me by numerous (annoyingly upbeat) people that 2008 was the year I met somebody I can finally really care about and imagine a future with (Yea yea, but I never get to see him. Grr.). Plus, 2008 was the year I completed my first marathon (Yea yea, but I was so slow. Grr.). I also ran four half-marathons, an excellent 10-miler in Paris, biked a cool race with Dad, and traveled to the States twice. I moved to a new place, and somehow held on to my job, while managing to spend countless hours on random useful (and not so useful) websites. Whoppee.

It's true, it wasn't a bad year by any stretch of the imagination. Still, I'm looking forward to a fresh start, new beginnings and adventures. A brandnew, unspoiled year.

Christmas and New Year's have always been my favorite holidays (In addition to birthdays, but that's a completely different story for some other time...). Christmas mainly because of the family aspect of it. Oh, and the cookies, of course.
New Year's Eve is just fantastic because it gives me reason to reflect on my life and its direction. Is this who I want to be? Is this where I want to be headed?

Like I said, not so sure right now. Three more weeks to think about this and come up with a strategy and some goals for 2009. Or just resove to be more like Calvin.
That could work.

Excuse Me While I Bitch And Moan

2008-12-02T19:54:00.007+01:00

I have been thinking about this ever since I moved here and have not been able to find a satisfactory answer to the fundamental question:
Why? Why in the name of all that's holy can a country that gets an exorbitant amount of precipitation (see old entry for evidence) not devise a decent drainage system? Why?

Let me explain: I bike to and from work; around 8 miles each way. Almost all the way on awesome bike paths and I love my commute. Thank you, Dutch tax payers. Really.
But: From September through April, there are basically puddles everywhere. Sometimes they stretch all the way across the bike path and stay there for days. Even if it hasn't rained in a while. How does this happen?

I guess I feel a little bit like Homer, when he got frustrated with academics and brainiacs:

Uuuh, a graduate student, huh? How come you guys can go to the moon but can't make my shoes smell good?

I mean, really. The Dutch came up with this (admittedly pretty awesome) dam-system: Deltaworks.
Look, cool stormbarrier:

And I have to ride through this:

That's just not right.

This Might Be A Little Too Awesome

2008-11-05T08:20:00.005+01:00

[I might have gotten a little carried away. Pathos abounds. I'm just excited. I'm sorry. I also spoke for an imaginary 'us' as if I am somehow the spokesperson of the non-U.S. (or at least the European)-world. Maybe I should be, but alas, I am not. I didn't want to be presumptuous. My sincere apologies roughly 6.4 billion people. Haha.]

I wonder whether most Americans, regardless of which candidate they supported during the long '08 campaign, have any idea about this. How great this feels. How excited the rest of the world is.

Americans as a whole are pretty self-confident already. Greatest nation, city upon a hill, and all that. I feel bad that I have to inflate the American ego even more, but here it comes: You do matter a lot to the rest of us. We do care about you and your actions. Your economic policies, your foreign policy, your opinions on issues like gun control, death penalty, abortion. - We might not agree or even violently oppose them. Still, we listen to what you have to say and we are watching you closely.

You are like a friend and lover to us. A slightly over-confident friend we admire, yet observe warily sometimes. We never really know what you are up to. We hope it is another great adventure we can participate in. We sometimes fear you might get yourself and us into major trouble.
We always admire you though. The ideals you stand for. The confident way you carry yourself. The unwavering faith you have in your own strength. You might even say we love you. And we want you to love us, too.

Right now, it feels like our long-term affair, an often painful relationship after all, is reignited. We're on fire. YOU'RE on fire. You did it. You elected a politician we've had a crush on for months. We feel the potential for great romance. An epic love story. We don't know what the next four years will bring, but we're excited. And hopeful. And full of anticipation of things to come.

There is lingering doubt that this might sound too good to be true. Great enthusiasm and hope bear tremendous potential for crushing disappointment and despair.
We're ready though. Ready to take risks. Ready to go out on a limb. Ready to trust you.

America. Obama. You make us want to be a better friend.

Voting - I'm Loving It

2008-11-04T10:13:00.004+01:00

Maybe my life is just really and truly sad. Or maybe I just really and truly appreciate the beauty and all-around-awesomeness of this day. Today. Election Day.
Finally.

I followed the primaries, I've seen the debates, I watched the TV commentaries and specials, I read the newspaper articles. I tried to get more insight into the issues I care most about or should care more about: Education, health care, the economy. I had discussions with friends, colleagues, and online weirdos.
I'm psyched.

I'm also bummed because for some reason I cannot wrap my head around the fact that a nation as grand and awe-inspiring as the USA (Yes, I'm a fan...) is experiencing and predicting such an abundance of problems. Morally reprehensible campaigning, disenfranchised blocks of voters, voter fraud, etc.
But more on this some other time...Maybe.

As usual, I do have a candidate I am rooting for (...with quite a bit of enthusiasm, too. Ha!), but today I'm even more excited about voting.
It's a simple enough process; a process most people take for granted or even choose to ignore.
Voting is a right and privilege many of our ancestors did not have. So they fought for it. Bitterly sometimes. Deciding not to vote or claiming that politics is not 'interesting' to you is like saying your life is not interesting to you. We live in societies. With other people. We all have shared interests. We drive on the same roads, go to the same schools, eat the same food. We all need a doctor or a police officer sometimes. We share responsibilities and tasks in societies.
So, hell yes! Transportation, education, food safety, health care, law enforcement -everything- is to some extent a shared endeavor.
Why would you not want to participate in the process that comes up with laws, guidelines and regulations? Why would you not want to make your voice heard?

Many of our contemporaries in other countries still do not have this right and privilege. Their opinions go unheard. They cannot cast their ballot and make a difference.
We can.

I feel supremely cheesy as I am typing all this, but I don't care: Today I want to revel in the glory of the voting process, the beauty of the democratic system. Voting. So simple, yet so beautiful.
I'm loving it.

Chicago Marathon 2008 - Bigger Is Better

2008-10-25T14:31:00.016+02:00

Yes, bigger is indeed better. A big city/huge crowd-marathon like Chicago was definitely the right choice for me. And no, being bigger weight-wise than I used to be a few months ago was not better. Haha. More excuses later...

If this whole entry seems a bit incoherent and unstructured, I apologize. The whole experience was a little overwhelming. There were so many things going on in my head and during the race, I experienced a little information-overload that I still haven't been able to organize completely...

The one thing I've been wondering about for the last two weeks: How long are you allowed to brag about your first marathon? A few days? A week? A month? Forever? Haha.

Well, long story short: I did it. Not fast, but I did it. On October 12, 2008, I dragged my tired ass over the finish line of the Chicago Marathon. Ha! Actually, that's not completely accurate. Yes, I was tired and exhausted, but I wasn't dragging, at least that's not how I felt. I felt pretty damn energized.
I cannot figure out how to illegally save the pictures off of the MarathonFoto website, but believe me, I have this huge grin on my face in all of the pictures. I'm the one in all black on the right side.

Oh, and I saw this the day before the race on Lake Michigan, and for some reason found it both fitting and hilarious:
The race was fantastic. A little too warm for my taste and for what I am used to here in the Netherlands, but because there were so many water/Gatorade-stations, it wasn't such a big deal...
To me, it felt as if the whole city was in marathon-mode, even before race day. Pretty awesome.

I started out in the back of the huge crowd (Get this, after the race, I get an email that says I was finisher #14,000-something out of 31,000. Haha. It's like a town twice the size of my home town was on the move. Awesome.) and just tried to pace myself through the whole thing, trying not to freak out. The first 10 miles felt good and I just trudged along at a 10-minute-mile pace or so. Chicago is definitely a great city to run in and I loved the crowds...

Also, I have never had a very...well, let's call it 'strong' opinion on mp3-players during races (I do believe in following race-rules; so if a race organizer wants to ban them, I will abide. Easy enough, in my opinion...).
The Chicago Marathon has definitely changed that. I felt bad for the runners who decided to block out the rest of the race: Fellow runners, volunteers, the crowds. They missed out on my favorite part: The support of other humans who are passionate about what you are passionate about. Running. Moving. Testing your limits. Being out there and trying something new.

Anyway, I loved saying 'Thank you' to every volunteer who handed me a cup of water or sports drink. I loved commenting on other people's outfits. I loved wishing one runner "Happy Birthday" and congratulating another on her successful fight against cancer (Tons of people with messages/their names on their shirts or bodies - So much to see/read/take in...). Yes, I loved the whole thing. Being out there on my own and still feeling connected to my surroundings, the sea of humans out there with me.

OK, a little cheesy, sorry. It was just a great day.

So the first 10-15 miles went by, I was doing fine. Not going fast, but feeling fine. A little freaked out about getting 'food' in (The only refueling I had every tried was one packet of sports beans during my one really long run. Yes, I know. Not smart.) and just the whole craziness of actually doing a marathon. Me. A marathon. Argh.

My training all year had been sporadic at best, my weight hadn't been where I need it to be for running, I had had a hard time getting motivated. Wonderful. I had done one 3 1/2 hour run in September, figuring that that would approximately be twenty miles.
Yes, I know, lame excuses and all stuff that could have been fixed. By me. And me alone. Just trying to explain why I was a little apprehensive before and during the race and why this undercurrent of anxiety got more and more pronounced the closer I got to the 20-mile mark of the race.

I guess that while I hadn't actually been running as much as I had planned to at the beginning of the year (when I signed up for the race), I had read a shitload about running and racing. I had definitely heard too much about 'the wall'. Yikes. So at mile 15 I was getting a little freaked out. How was I going to deal with cramps or whatever else awful could happen? No way would I drop out after freaking flying to another country to run a race. No no.

Well, I came up with this strategy (That, yes, I might have stolen from one of the gazillion articles I had read on running. Who knows?) that I would 'dedicate' the last seven miles to my six closest family members and one other person I really care about.
Sounds pathetic and overly dramatic, but it worked like a charm. It took me a few miles to figure out how I would actually do it (Haha, seems like my mind was not working at top-speed anymore..); and I organized my parents, two grandmas, two brothers and my friend alphabetically. Seemed logical to me at the time.
So mile 19 started off with my paternal grandmother. I kind of ran through her life in my head. Date of birth, where and how she grew up, how she met my grandpa, etc. etc. This kept me busy and entertained.
Don't want to bore you with all the details, but my mom's mile almost had me crying already (What the?), Buemml's mile featured rock music (Really! It was almost too perfect. The mile marker came and there was a 'music station'. How fitting.) and I remembered Luke's "Go get them, tiger!", which has been a joke between the two of us for 15+ years. Dad's mile was mile 25 and I had to smile because there was no way I could walk or give up now, because he would kick my butt for not sticking with it. Right around that time, I knew I would have to give myself permission to cry a little at the finish line. And I knew that there was no way I wouldn't make it. I would freaking crawl it in if need be.

Anyway, mile 26 kind of went by in a blur while I kept thinking that one mile really isn't that far. Sure felt far though. Looking around, there were people hurting way more than I did, because apart from a little discomfort in the thighs, no wall. Ha! Must have been the slow pace or the mental games I was playing with myself...

The last bit of the race was just amazing. Tons of people on both sides of the 'running path' kept shouting and yelling...The course went uphill for a tiny bit, one last left turn and Yay! the finish line. Right then and there, I couldn't stop smiling. Must have looked weird, but I just couldn't wipe the grin of my face. And yes, I cried after I crossed the finish line. Just a little though. Here's a picture of my medal and the chocolate medal a co-worker gave me. And yes, I hereby officially conclude my bragging about my first marathon.

Time to set my sights on the next goal. Off to bigger and better --- no wait: Bigger marathon? - Not necessarily. Although I do believe that I'm more comfortable in bigger races. So much easier to blend in with the masses. Makes me less self-conscious.
Bigger Me? - Most definitely not. This whole experience would have been even more fun with less pounds to move across 26.2 miles.
Better time? - Hopefully.
Better experience? - Maybe not possible, because I had such an amazing few days and race in Chicago. We'll see.

Until then, thank you Chicago, it was fun.

Ouch. Has It Really Been More Than Two Months?

2008-10-06T21:55:00.003+02:00

Oh man. It's not like nothing happened in my life. Or that I have an excellent excuse (like not having internet access, being incredibly busy with matters of international importance or similar...). Just been...yea...plain lazy.

I have a few notes though and two races to write about. So bear with me. I'll be back.
Soon.

Bavarians Do It Better

2008-07-27T21:22:00.010+02:00

On a bike ride last week I came across this:

A flagpole with the Bavarian flag on top, the German flag hanging much lower. Sheesh.
It made me giggle, because it very accurately represents the Bavarian attitude towards most everybody else: You're OK, but there's no denying that we are the best. Deal with it.

While I do not always agree with that statement (Especially when it comes to politics, conservatism, entanglement of church and state, conservatism, ...Argh, maybe I have to rant about this some other time...), I will say this: Bavarians know how to party and how to put together a kick-ass race.

Which brings me to today's topic: The 2008 Arber Radmarathon, the 24th edition of a bike race which starts and ends in Regensburg, a city close to my parents' home.

My dad had done the race twice before and for some reason I thought I was in decent enough shape to go do it with him this year. The term 'race' might be a bit misleading, because there is no timing or actual racing. Bikers show up at a designated time and do one of the different tours at whatever pace they are comfortable...Some are definitely going fast though, it was pretty impressive.

There were four tours for road bikes and two for mountain bikes. The organizers had also included a tour for families with small kids.

Well, dad and I decided on the second shortest tour (Tour C in yellow in the picture below), but it seemed daunting enough for me. I don't think I've ever biked much further than 100K at a time...

And at any rate, 170 and 250K (blue and purple route) seemed just insane, especially with the elevation. Yikes!

Here's the elevation profile of our ride. The hill at kilometer 80 sucked the most: Tired legs + elevation = no fun.

Well, we set off with what seemed hundreds and hundreds of others at 7AM (All the tours combined had 7000+ bikers.). I started off pretty slow, didn't want to run out of gas halfway. Dad told me later that he was a little worried in the beginning. Guess he wasn't worried so much later, because I think I did alright on the hills. And it got pretty hilly pretty fast. Some nice downhills as well, my maximum speed was 60km/h, which is fast for me...

All in all it was an excellent and amazingly exhausting bike ride. The ride led us through beautiful scenery. Of course, I was too lazy to take a lot of pictures...Here's a few random dudes:

And why do Bavarians do it better?
First off, the organizers, volunteers and the police did a great job patrolling the roads. Much nicer to ride on streets/in towns with less or no traffic...
Secondly, the food/drink stations were really well run. They had all kinds of stuff, and of course the last station had beer already! Haha.

At the end of the ride, there was a huge party with all kinds of food and drink again. Every participant got three drink/food vouchers, which dad immediately exchanged for two more beers and brats.
Don't know how he (and a lot of the others) do it. No way I could down a beer and fatty food right after a ride or run...

Oh, and we got a decent-looking bike jersey at the end as well.

A pretty amazing day, all for the low price of 30 Euros and utter exhaustion.

The Woods Were Lovely, I Was Weak

2008-07-10T09:44:00.011+02:00

Now I Have Promises To Keep.

Grr. Promises to my 13-year-old self.
[Oh, my apologies to Robert Frost.]
-----
I was a little ticked off yesterday:
Unbeknownst to me, I have turned into a grade-A-pussy.

No, not really. It's all good.
I did surprise myself though, and not in a good way.

See, I've always considered myself a bit of a tomboy, a girl who can keep up with the boys, play in the dirt (and dirty) and do anything a man can do. Maybe even better. Haha.

Well, long story short, I usually feel a bit dare-devilish on the bike. Flying down hills at (relatively) high speeds, leaning into curves, mountain-biking in the woods and such.

Took one of Dad's mountain bikes out for a spin yesterday and holy shit, I got a little scared! I braked a lot, went surprisingly slow down the slopes and was actually glad when I found an asphalt road.

I wasn't happy. What happened? When did I turn into an old lady? Is the Dutch flatness to blame, where a 100m long slightly sloped stretch of land is considered a major elevation? Is it old age?

Whatever it is, this trend better be reversed or at least stalled for a while...I'll make it my mission to get some of the youthful tomboyishness back while I'm on vacation.
Maybe I can even get a bruise as a badge of honor. For old time's sake. Just a small and non-dangerous one of course...

The 13-year-old who crashed her bike during a mad race-as-fast-possible-through-those-deep-puddles contest is still in there somewhere. She has to be.

Some pictures taken during the ride:

The tame trails.

12% slope. Fun going down, not as much fun going up. I can't believe how much even these easy things hurt after only biking in flat surroundings for so long.

Famous monument close to my parents' place. Built in 1815 by Ludwig I, King of Bavaria, to commemorate the war against Napoleon and to just brag about our general awesomeness.

Home Is Where The Heart Is

2008-07-09T09:25:00.013+02:00

Den Haag is my home now. There. I said it.

I didn't feel this way for quite a while. It took me almost two years to consider the city on the North Sea "my home". I always liked living in the area; it's a beautiful and interesting part of Europe.

That said, I liked it, somewhat like you might like a hotel. It's agreeable, it has all the necessary amenities, you can't complain. But it's like any other hotel; interchangeable, temporary. No permanent attachment whatsoever.

That is how I started out in Den Haag. A partner who had no love for the place or the people. A partner who had only a temporary work assignment. A partner who treated the place like a hotel. A luxury hotel, nonetheless, but not a home.

Now that I've inhabited the city by myself for 17 months, I realize that my feelings towards it have slowly changed.

I moved from a 19th floor luxury-apartment (which could have been in any major city of the world; no signs of anything Dutch or local…) to a small apartment that I shared with a roommate (well, three different ones, but one at a time). The apartment had the steep, small Dutch stairwells, a tiny balcony that felt crowded, but cozy. Every way you looked, there were people, neighbors.

The apartment was located in the "most Dutch" part of Den Haag, the seaside resort Scheveningen, a place with the wonderfully decrepit charm of better days.

I could hear the neighbors' baby cry and the students across the road have a party. I said "Hello" to my Dutch neighbors, who rode their bikes to work, planted flowers on the sidewalk and didn’t seem to care that they lived so close together and in plain view of each other.

I felt as if I was finally living in Holland.

I moved last month but the feeling of authenticity hasn't changed. My new place is in a different area, but the concept stays the same. I live IN Den Haag now, not above it. Literally and figuratively. Ground floor instead of 19th floor. Meeting neighbors instead of avoiding them.

I feel more connected to the city and its people. I finally call Den Haag my home. I bike and run through its streets, dunes, and parks. I curse and enjoy its temperamental weather; its relentless rain, infuriating wind and gentle sunshine. I admire its architecture and history, its place in the world. I celebrate its festivals and diverse inhabitants. I'm at home.

Den Haag has slowly and stealthily made its way into my heart. And regardless of what's next on tap, it will always stay there.

Come On, Stalin, Light My Fire?

2008-07-07T17:15:00.008+02:00

I'm dragging some stuff home from the store, walking past the museum; a place I have biked past a million times. I guess I'm usually fast as lightening (bahaha), because I had never noticed this before:

Some kind of art installation in what I can only assume is a old phone-booth-like fire alarm. And yes, that's a bust of Joseph Stalin surrounded by red felt.

But wait! It gets better: There's a old-timey-looking lamp and a plastic fish inside.

Somebody care to take a guess what all this means?
-- In case of imminent threat of communism call the fire brigade?
-- Stalin's opinions were fishy?
-- Examine socialism under a bright light?
WTF?

Ocean Living Rules Supreme

2008-06-30T20:04:00.014+02:00

Not a lot to say, just a few pictures from my after school bike ride through the dunes. I took my regular route towards Monster, just tried to get a few different shots.

One of the many different walk/run paths through the dunes:
There are usually two different paths; one for biking (fietspad - on the right) and one for pedestrians/runners.

The ocean is just a couple of hundred meters away...
My trusty (rusty) companion. Amazing how many miles I have gotten out of this bike. Pretty good deal...
Some of the greenhouses along the way. The really huge ones are in a different area of the country though.

One of the quieter beaches. It's about 10K from Den Haag, most tourists don't make it out here.
Dutch version of Baywatch:

The not-so-pretty sight of Europe's largest port (Rotterdam) in the distance.

And just for Riley:

Swearing - 'Linguistic Art Form' Or Just Laziness?

2008-06-24T13:05:00.002+02:00

I've been thinking about this for a while and the untimely demise of George Carlin seems as good an occasion as any to pick this up again.

For as long as I can remember I've been fascinated with language. Just the sheer awesomeness and variety of it. Language and speech are such wonderful and varied tools of communication. The innumerable ways language can be used, celebrated, and manipulated just boggle the mind...

The obsession got worse once I decided to be a linguistics major...Well, and the fascination shows no signs of decreasing any time soon.
I love books, magazines, newspapers, blogs. I appreciate tricky crossword puzzles, wordplay, a clever comeback, memorable quotes.

You get the picture. I should probably write about language more often, just because the subject is so extensive and fascinating, it makes my head hurt. It feels like my thoughts on language are very crowded and unstructured in my mind. Maybe writing some of them down would help untangle the weird web of words.
(Yes, I appreciate alliterations, too. Ha!)

So swearing:

I vaguely remember writing a term paper on swearing and taboo words years ago. Of course, the paper is nowhere to be found. I think it was on the relative 'offensiveness' of certain swearwords. Some are absolute no-gos. Others are probably acceptable. It all depends on context and audience. Hmm. Good place to post this:

(I don't like the collage-video, but the audio portion is great.)

Well, what's my point? I love swearing. I think it adds color and expression to statements. There are not many things more satisfying than a passionate rant littered with swearwords. To me, at least.
Also, from a purely scientific standpoint, no word or expression can be 'bad' or 'unacceptable'. It's all society and associations superimposed on the language...

Of course, language and communication are always 'in context'. So I cannot ignore the fact that there are other people listening and evaluating what I say; people judging me on the way I choose to express myself.

Which brings me to the dilemma: Is swearing a flawed way of communicating after all? Is the frequent use of cuss-words a sign of mediocre language skills? A sign of laziness? Crudeness? Vulgarity? Lack of taste?

I think it could be in some cases. It could be a sign of subpar linguistic expression if you can't reign your swearing in. If you use the same set of words and phrases with everybody; be it your boss, a judge or your brother. The beauty of language is that it's so diverse. Language can be beautiful or coarse, direct or indirect, delicate or sturdy.

That said, I want to be able to use the whole array of words. To forgo all swearing would be censoring myself and it would cut out a significant chunk of the communication tools at my disposal.

Sometimes I want to swear. Loudly. Or mutter a curse under my breath.

So to sum this up:
Fuck, yes. It's an art.

Soccer Mania

2008-06-23T22:50:00.009+02:00

It's over. Damnation.

It sure was wonderful to see the whole country being excited and hopeful about the Euro-Soccer Tournament this year.
The Dutch are crazy about their national soccer team and seem to have an inexplicable love for and fascination with the color orange.

I had planned on taking some pictures of the symbols of pride displayed all over, and I took a few...After the devastating loss (Yes, I was a little sad, too...) on Saturday, some of my Dutch neighbors have taken their flags and decorations down, but I might still get lucky...

Here are some pictures of a quite uniquely adorned car and the obligatory little flags outside a local restaurant:

Oh, and when visiting my aunt and uncle in Germany two weeks ago, I was just about to tell them how ridiculously obsessed the Dutch are, when I say this:

Yes, flags galore. In windows, on cars, on bikes.
Guess we all love soccer and a little colorful craziness. It's a good thing, too.

Saw a car with a Turkish-flag flying proudly from its window while I was out running today. Yea, enjoy it while you can...Wednesday. 8:45PM. Game on.

And Now For Something Completely Different....

2008-06-05T22:21:00.004+02:00

I know my mom reads all the crap I post here. Which is normal I guess, seeing as she is my mom and HAS to be interested, haha.
But in addition to having to sift through the random thoughts, she also has to do it in a foreign language.
Torture x2, ey?

So, thank you, Mom. Looking forward to July.
Can you believe these are 23 years old?

[Oh, and one of these days you'll figure out how to post a comment, too...]

Loyalty

2008-06-05T20:04:00.005+02:00

I'm a big believer in loyalty. Loyalty in all areas of life. Loyalty to family, partners, friends, co-workers, bosses.

This loyalty-complex might be one of the reasons why I'm often considered too private or 'bottled-up'. For example, I just don't like talking about boyfriend-problems with other people. I consider that a breach of loyalty. In a way even after a relationship is over.

Anyway, I've been thinking about loyalty in the work environment lately.

I work as Administrative Assistant (yea, glorified secretary, I know...), and in that position I get a lot of information about teachers, students, parents, etc. I have an excellent relationship with my boss and we joke about and share a lot of 'inside information'.

We have almost 70 staff members, and naturally I get along great with some (who I actually consider friends) and not so great with others. I try to stay professional at all times (even though the urge to gossip is definitely there...) and my primary loyalty is to my boss, as we are the "administrative team".

My problem with the whole work-loyalty is that I often have to defend or execute decisions that I don't agree with. Or cover up for mistakes I didn't make.
Not a fun part of the job.
I do voice my opinions to the people who make the decision, but as the 'office face', I stick with the 'party line'.

These loyalty issues are all small-scale, I realize, but they made me re-think my dream profession:
Well, one of my dream professions, I think I'd love his job, too:

[They were both characters on The West Wing, a TV show I couldn't get enough of. CJ was the Press Secretary to the President of the United States; Toby was the main Speech Writer.]

Would I be able to be the face of an organization/administration even if I'd disagree with some policies and decisions?
Is it always a good thing to keep up a united front?
When would it be time to cut my losses, leave, and write a tell-all book like Scott McClellan? (Who was on Talk of the Nation yesterday. Excellent show.)
And would I write a book like that? Or would I stay loyal? When does loyalty become an excuse for cowardice and when is it time to demonstrate dissent?

Aaah, my head is about to explode...

'Back in Black' or 'An Unofficial Duathlon'

2008-05-21T12:32:00.004+02:00

[Disclaimer: I'm not trying to excuse anything, but I've been whining about this before...Lack of motivation and severe lack of training. - All self-inflicted though. Boo. I started running 'more seriously' again last August and prepared really well for my first 1/2 marathon in Amsterdam in October 2007. Tempo-runs, tons of long runs over 12 miles, even -gasp!- some speedwork (Well, "attempted speedwork"...Haha.). Ran the half, had a good time, thought I had my inherent slacker and overeating nature beat. Well, sometime around Christmas, for reasons unknown (Or maybe I just don't want to open up a can of emotional worms, who knows?), I completely lost my motivation. Managed to pack on weight, hardly ran, mostly biked. I managed to run the 1/2 in Austin alright, even though I was slower than during my first half. - I blamed the hills and not my expanding butt or lack of training. Well, 2008 so far was really low in running miles (200 or so) and my longest run was actually the Austin-Half in February. I think I ran 7.5 miles once after that. Sheesh.]

OK, so I spent last Saturday being uncharacteristically nervous and I hardly moved all day; in a feeble attempt to have 'fresh legs' on Sunday.

Sunday AM, I had the choice between tram + train + free shuttle or my bike. The bike won.
Biked 13 miles to Leiden (beautiful college town).
The race in Leiden is really well organized, but everybody seemed so professional. Somewhat intimidating, I thought. It was a beautiful day. Perfect running conditions, really.
After the Dutch National Anthem was played, the gun went off at 10:30AM.

Well, not much to say about the race, except that it seemed very, very long. Also, the water stations were set up every 5K, which for some reason seemed like a long stretch between drinks...I was so looking forward to the water/sports-drink. I walked through all of the water stations and once or twice otherwise, just to give me a break. Definitely my lamest 1/2 so far, hehe.

Good crowd support, too, and a nice course. Parts of it went through the city of Leiden, but there were quite a few stretches along the canals and fields. Pretty.

I must have been delusional at the 7K-marker already, because I thought "Uh, cool, more than half-way already." Haha, yea, not 7 miles, dumbo...

Three old, lecherous men commented on my running skirt and on how they were enjoying the 'scenery'. Sheesh. Men. But maybe they were delusional, too. Harhar.

I wouldn't say I struggled through the thing, I just took it easy and my goal was just to get to the finish line alive and without my knees acting up (Which worked...).

I did have some kick left at the end apparently, because I passed three people just before the finish line (No, they were not hugely overweight, old, or limping...).

All in all it was a fun race, even though I cursed every cookie, pizza and pint of ice cream I had downed since December...

Biked home, took a shower, collapsed on the couch...

Moral of the story:
It's more fun to run a race well-prepared and at a lower weight. (Surprise!)
A full marathon still seems overwhelming and very, very long. (But 4 1/2 is enough time to prepare, I hope.)
---
Uh, and 'Back in Black', because I wore all black. Skirt, shirt, hat, sunglasses. Very cool and very much incognito...

Imperfections

2008-05-15T19:53:00.003+02:00

For the last two summers or so, I have been getting two weird sun-spots on my cheeks, kind of close to my nose. They come out at about the same time as the few freckles I have; just when I start to get a little tan...

The sun-spots used to bother me a little. They look slightly odd; plus they are evidence that my skin is a damaged (Actually, I blame Australia. I swear the one year there aged me about five. Damnation.). So, I use sunscreen more consistently now and try to make these skin flaws appear less obvious.

A few days ago at work, when applying some make-up and examining my skin more closely, I thought: Hell, who really gives a rat's ass. So I do have some damage. I have sun-spots and scars and freckles and moles.
I'm not perfect. I'm not unblemished.

A colleague/friend of mine gets blotchy, redish skin when she's upset or agitated. I love that. And I love that I know this about her. It's part of her and what makes her special.

I feel like people spend too much time trying to hide these small flaws; Flaws of both physical and psychological nature...

Keeping up appearances and a perfect image of oneself is too darn exhausting and a waste of time.

I'm still going to use sunscreen, I guess, but I won't be worrying too much anymore...I have flaws, wrinkles, and scars, and I won't be afraid to get some more...

Here's to imperfections!

Fighting For The Smallest Goal...

2008-05-13T11:09:00.003+02:00

...To Gain A Little Self-Control.

[Stolen from Bartender514 on my favorite message board; who in turn stole it from Ted Leo and the Pharmacists.]

Not a lot to say, the line just strikes a cord with me.

Agent Mulder Strikes Again

2008-05-10T19:51:00.007+02:00

I have no patience or desire to get hooked on TV shows and then have a schedule to follow, i.e. Monday is Desperate Housewives-night, Tuesday it's Lost, and so on.
Not necessarily because my life is so exciting and unpredictable that I would miss a lot of episodes on account of real-life adventures and escapades. No, I just like to get all addicted to one show and then watch nothing but said show for days or weeks.

I just recently caught up on Lost, a show which gave me a multitude of wonderfully confusing WTF-moments. Still not entirely sure whether I actually like the show or not. Meh.

A show I just recently discovered and could potentially really like: Californication with David Duchovny, the dude from X-files.
Duchonvny plays a superbly cranky, witty, messed-up writer. Some great lines and of course it doesn't hurt that he's easy on the eyes. Haha.

Family First in New Zealand apparently doesn't like the show, which is...hmm...a glowing endorsement in my book...

Sample scenes:

Hank Moody and a women are in bed. He just woke up from a bad dream and makes her laugh with some funny lines....

Woman (laughs): "LOL."
Moody: "What was that?"
W: "Hmm?"
M: "What did you just say? Just now?"
W: "What?"
M: "LOL? Laugh out loud?"
W: "Yea."
M: "That's part of your lexicon? Really? LOL?"
W: "Shouldn't it be part of yours, too? You are writing for cyperspace, you know?"
M: "Oh. And there goes my boner...Wave bye bye..."
W: "What is your issue with LOL?"
M: "I don't have an issue unless you count that fact that every time you say it, you contribute to the death of the English language"
W: "So let me get this straight. You gonna let the fact that I just said LOL get in the way of me giving you the best BJ of your life?"
M: "Not when you put it that way...
(Woman keeps kissing him)
M: "Yea, I'm not the biggest fan of the term BJ either.."

OMG, can I relate. Hehe.

Well, in case you want to watch some more...

Gear! Need More Gear!

2008-05-06T11:17:00.006+02:00

I wonder if running/biking/swimming (Or any kind of sport/hobby really) is just another excuse to buy more stuff...

I have enough tech T-shirts, socks, shoes and other assorted equipment, but I could always use more!
Right now, I have my eye on this:
Could sure use it for my next race (whenever that will be)...

Oh and I have NO idea why, but the next big gear purchase will be...yes...a pink bike. Somewhat like this one. With my name on it. Wonderful.

Freakishly Tan Faces. Plus Flags.

2008-05-05T22:02:00.004+02:00

As reported previously, the weather has been fabulous lately.
True to form, a lot of Dutch people at work already sport a freakishly dark tan. Seriously people, WTF? It's May 5th, and yes, we can tell that you either roasted for hours on the beach or in some artificial tan place.
Not a cool look.

Maybe it's because there isn't a lot of sun here or something, I don't know...But a lot of Dutch people seem to be obsessed with being tan. And after age 30 (and apparently quite a few years of extreme exposure), the skin does not look pretty at all. Think leathery face, neck, and ...gasp...boob area.

Oh, and on a less judgmental note: Today was "Liberation Day" (Bevrijdingsdag). Many houses sported a Dutch flag to commemorate the liberation from the Germans in 1945.

Lest I Forget

2008-05-04T10:45:00.004+02:00

It's my fifth (!) day off and the weather has been nothing but wonderful.
It rained once, I think, but then cleared up.

I just wanted to write it down (and post some pix later), because I tend to forget that this country does get some great weather every once in a while, too.

The 10-day-forecast is pretty encouraging, too...
Hooray for spring in Zuid-Holland!

Ride Across State Lines

2008-05-02T20:27:00.012+02:00

Yea, that's not so amazing, considering I live somewhat close to the 'border' between Zuid-Holland and Noord-Holland. Still. Cool.

Took off with a 2-hour bike ride in mind, but because the weather was so beautiful and I felt good, ended up going for 5 hours and 20 minutes (Yes, I took a stop watch to get my net-time. Maybe I should get a little bike-computer after all...But those little fuckers make me all competitive and I check my speed all the time, so maybe not...).

Biked along the dunes towards work:

Then I passed Nordwijk, a somewhat run-down resort-type seaside village (Come to think of it, all the smallish seaside places here have this charmingly shabby look and feel to them...).
Apparently, the classiest (?) hotel there is the Palace Hotel, complete with mermaid statue:

Nice looking beach though. But what's with the British flag? Hmm.

Ended up going to Haarlem, the south end of Amsterdam, and then back along Schipol Airport, Leiden and Wassenaar.

Kind of felt like crying when I saw the sign "Den Haag, 50 kilometers" and I was all hungry and thirsty. Hehe. All in all, great ride though. Wonderful weather, too.
Oh, and just for kicks, a windmill:

Sweet Home Chicago

2008-05-01T16:11:00.001+02:00

Ten years after I first set foot on blessed U.S. soil (haha), I will finally go back to Illinois.
Chicago, to be exact.

On October 12, 2008, at 8AM, my butt better be in shape, because I'll be lining up with more than 45 000 others to run the Chicago marathon.

Even though I despise crowds, this gets me quite excited:

Merely signing up back in January wasn't enough to get me fired up and running. For some reason, the thought of spending $130 on the registration and then not running the race didn't bother me much. But the ridiculous amount of $$ I had to shell out for the flight and four nights in an overpriced hotel will be doing the trick, I'm certain.

I have no goals other than finishing and having a good time...I've never run further than 15 miles or so = I better get cracking... Cannot wait...

Oh, and for some reason I find this hilarious:

--It’s 1400 miles to Chicago, I got a full tank of glycogen, half a pack of gu, it’s dark and I’m wearing sunglasses.
--Hit it!

Inspired by this video/movie, of course:

Crisis Averted?

2008-04-26T09:41:00.005+02:00

So, I NEED peanut butter every day. And Dutch peanut butter blows.
Ergo: Huge problem.

I was faced with this major crisis this AM:

My last jar of (US import) Skippy creamy deliciousness. Empty.

The local grocery store only carries the Dutch brands, and I was too lazy and too cheap to ride to the store that sells Skippy (for luxury drug-level prices, BTW!).

Bought this:
Happy to report that it has passed the first (very careful) taste test...Not great, but acceptable...
So maybe there's hope for me.

But for now, I'm enjoying the last few spoonfuls of the real thing...Yum.

Feeling Thankful

2008-04-25T07:18:00.003+02:00

What a morning!

On mornings like this one, I feel so thankful to be alive and be an "athlete" (Yea yea, no smartass comments, please!).
Because if I hadn't been alive (haha) and on my bike at 6:25AM, I would have missed the most glorious ride into the morning sun....along the beautiful peaceful dunes...past small ponds, gentle hills and a lavender field, which smelled gloriously fresh and soothing...

Aaaaaaah. Awesome.

Donations? ... Anybody? Anybody?

2008-04-24T15:32:00.004+02:00

Anybody got some extra $$, € or £ (hell, ANY currency will be gladly accepted) to sponsor my trip to this beautiful island?

Found a link to the Cyprus Challenge (over Thanksgiving weekend) yesterday and I cannot stop thinking about it.
How freaking awesome is this? Thursday: 6K time trial. Friday: 11K trail run. Saturday: Half-Marathon. Sunday: 10K.
Sounds fabulously exhausting, huh?

If you send me money, I promise to train well and actually do it. Huh? Anyone?

Am I Turning Dutch, Or What?

2008-04-23T21:41:00.005+02:00

I've lived in Zuid-Holland for a little over two years now, and really like it. Not so much the gray, dreary, wet winter (see complaints over the last few weeks...), but overall, it's a wonderful place to live. I enjoy the outdoorsy-ness of the people, the ocean, the roughness of the weather (well, most of the time),...all kinds of things...

Nevertheless, I don't feel very "Dutch". I work in an American/international environment, i.e. I speak English at work and with most other people I meet. So I feel a little disconnected sometimes, but not necessarily in a bad way.

Also, I think I haven't picked up a lot of traits or habits of the people living here. I DO feel at home though, albeit in a "temporary"-kind-of-way.

Many of the little oddities and different behaviors which struck me as weird when I first moved here have become normal to me. I don't even notice them anymore...(Well, I still cannot believe that so many dog-owners let their canines take a dump right on the sidewalks. Freaking dog-shit ALL over the place, I can tell you...So I guess some things stay annoying and noticeable, hehe.)

What occurred to me today is this though:
The Dutch seem to have an innate disdain for curtains. This seemed very, very strange to me for a long time. You literally walk down the street and look into everybody's windows. People having breakfast or dinner, watching TV, playing with their kids. Especially weird at night, I think, when you can see everything in the lit-up rooms.
I've been wondering for two years why the Dutch apparently have ZERO need for privacy. The no-curtain-policy just struck me as odd.

But, GET THIS! I'm sitting here right now, typing and eating dinner with the curtains open and the lights on. I've turned Dutch on the curtain issue! Woa. And I like it. It's nice to not shut the world out.
My Dutch neighbors don't strike me as particularly voyeuristic anyway. Everybody is minding their own business...with the curtains open though...

A writer for McSweeney noticed the open-curtains, too:

The others tend to live in tall skinny houses of four or five stories with pointy roofs and great big windows that have no shutters and, often, no curtains. The Dutch have nothing to hide.

Apparently, neither have I.

Why Didn't I Do This Earlier?

2008-04-18T09:59:00.003+02:00

Freaking recurring theme of my life: Why in the world didn't I do this earlier?
Getting in shape, traveling more, all kinds of stuff...

Case in point: Finally got my bike fixed yesterday.
What a difference! Basically FLEW home after work with this huge grin on my face. This is what biking is supposed to feel like!

I'd had an "eight" in my front tire for about two months. Brakes didn't work well at all. Hadn't been able to shift gears on the front pad for...hmm...three weeks. For the last week or so, I couldn't apply any kind of force, because the chain/gear system just went 'crick, crick, crick' all the time...Even had to push the bike up the one little hill on my commute. Sheesh.

I was generally procrastinating and trying to 'band-aid' the problems. Plus, getting stuff fixed around here is painful. Always takes forever and costs a bunch.
Well, finally found a bike store that promised to fix the bike during the day, so I didn't have to miss a ride. Wonderful.
It was still pricey, but well worth it...

So yesterday I was able to stand up on the pedals, really lean into the curves and generally be my old, slightly reckless biking-self. Oh yea.

Frazz Rocks!

2008-04-17T09:07:00.005+02:00

Not feeling like philosophizing much lately. Not sure why.

Just thought I'd put up a few pictures of my favorite cartoon/comic strip hero. Well, one of my favorites.
I put the daily Frazz-comic strip into the communication I send out here at work. Very funny stuff.

I think I can relate to Frazz' life because he also works at an elementary school and he loves to run, bike, and swim. Hmm, well, Frazz is a much better athlete than I am, but I'm working on it...

Oh, and I found this, which explains everything! (I love Calvin and Hobbes. Plus, I feel like I am somewhat of a "brilliant underachiever" myself. Haha.)

Because of Frazz's physical, and occasionally spiritual, similarity to Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes, speculation has arisen that Mallett has created an unofficial and unauthorized sequel to Bill Watterson's classic strip, and that Frazz is actually Calvin as an adult. Some other characters that are similar are Miss Wormwood and Rosalyn in Watterson's strip to Mrs. Olsen and Miss Plainwell in Mallett's strip. Mallett denies this, and has alluded to the controversy several times in the strip, including developing a ball game for Frazz and Caulfield that is modeled on "Calvinball."
In the foreword to Live at Bryson Elementary, Washington Post columnist and Mallett advocate Gene Weingarten writes, "They're [critics are] focusing not only on hair (Frazz's frizz), but also on his station in life: a brilliant underachiever. Well, Jef assures me that any similarity is unintentional." Explanations, however, have done little to influence the strips' detractors, who view it not as an homage but as simple plagiarism.
On November 29, 2006, Mallett referenced the controversy in a conversation between Caulfield and Frazz. As part of a brief story arc in which it is revealed that Frazz does not speak a second language, the comic's dialogue is as follows:
Caulfield: Whoa! Mister Renaissance Man doesn't know a foreign language!
Frazz: Maybe. Maybe I do.
Caulfield: Yeah? Which one?
Frazz: Pitjantjatjara.
Caulfield: Nice. Like anybody can check.
Frazz: I also used to be Bill Watterson's assistant.

(Info from Wikipedia)

Water

2008-04-09T20:20:00.002+02:00

This ad just made me spontaneously part with $50.
Sheesh. Guess the ad worked. Damn you, YouTube. Hehe.

Seriously, a cold drink of clean water is one of the best things ever. Cannot imagine it being a luxury or an impossibility.

Check out their website, too.

Passion - Blessing Or Curse?

2008-04-08T20:54:00.008+02:00

Lately, I've been wondering about people's passion for life and for what they do. What makes us get up every morning? What motivates us to train for athletic competitions? What keeps us going?

Yea, part of it is basic survival and such. Everybody wants a warm place to sleep, food and some creature comforts. Still, I believe that life is more fulfilling and fun when you have passion for something. A passion that burns inside of you. A passion that forces you to work harder, do better, try again:

Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things.
Denis Diderot

In a way, I'm still searching for my great passion in life. Well, I wouldn't mind more than one passion, actually. I like a lot of things. I have been decent at most stuff I tried, whether it was school/job-related or some kind of free-time activity.
I have never had a job I despised or didn't like. I guess you could even say that I felt somewhat passionately about all of them.
To this day, it pisses me off when people bitch and moan about the German post office, for example. Seriously, 98% of letters get to their destination the day after they were mailed. How fucking awesome is that?
Hehe.

Hmm. So I do get excited and passionate about a lot of things (running, language, teaching, writing,...quite a few more), but I've never been driven by this deep passion for one career or hobby. That's why I'm stuck in this limbo, I guess. I have no singular passion that steers me towards my next, more fulfilling, more challenging job...

I envy my middle brother in a way. He has this insane drive to be a musician. Always has, always will.

(Evidence)

My brother's daytime job is a way to make ends meet. Don't get me wrong, he's good at it and does it well. Still, his passion in life is music. Sometimes it gets him down that he cannot support himself with music alone, that it's insanely competitive out there, that some of the richest 'musicians' are plastic marketing tools.
Nevertheless, he keeps on doing what he loves. His passion never waivers. And that's just awesome.

Everything In Moderation - Yea. Not Working. Damnit...

2008-04-07T22:34:00.002+02:00

Who are those people who can do "everything in moderation"? I sure as hell can't.

I'm now absolutely convinced that I have an "addictive personality". No, I don't mean that I can charm the socks off everyone and get people addicted to me. Though that would be nice. Hehe.
I mean that I will take to any kind of addiction like a fish to water.

I'm glad that I never took up smoking, for example. I know I'd probably not be able to kick the habit. Ever. (Oh, and don't get me started on weed, cocaine and the like...Creeps me out just to think about what that would do to me...Sheesh.)
Same goes for alcohol. For some reason the glass of wine with dinner can turn into a bottle or more a night pretty quickly. Not cool.
And, most importantly, I'm somehow not able to handle food and exercise in moderation at all. I'm either a super-healthy exercise nut or an overeating couch potato, who feels it's a chore to walk to the store to get more ice cream. Pff. What's with that?

I think I've noticed this 'extreme' mentality in a lot of runners actually. We obsess about weekly mileage, exact speed, perfectly distributed calories and nutrition, race splits, etc. etc. Then there's the search for the perfect shoe, the perfect race, the perfect freaking run.
I'm wondering whether runners all have the same addictive tendencies and just learned to channel them into a healthy addiction...

Hmm. Unfortunately, I haven't obsessed much about running lately. I've really been more of a marathon-eating couch dweller (Might even have broken some records when it comes to chocolate-covered Oreos. The devil must have created those little fuckers!

I'm not kidding...).
Well, I think its safe to say that I don't like this side of the 'food and exercise-extreme' at all. It sucks actually. Makes me doubt myself, my life, my future.

So I'm determined to go to the other, better extreme again...Because if the last 30+ years have proven anything, it's that I'm not good at moderation. So screw that. Moderation blows.

Maybe this should be my theme-song. Ha!

I Wish Somebody Would Solve My Problems. Wahaha.

2008-04-03T13:54:00.003+02:00

One of my all-time favorite pieces from The Onion. Cracks me up every time.
Not much to comment. Just wanted to point out the hilarity. Hehe.

I Wish Someone Would Do Something About How Fat I Am

Let me level with you.

Taking Advice From Oprah? Woa.

2008-04-01T12:53:00.008+02:00

I admit it. I watched Oprah yesterday. No, not a whole show, and no, not on purpose.
(Yea, hmm, it's not that I dislike her or her show. I just have ambivalent feelings about her and her 'message'. More soon...)

Came across The Oprah Show when channel-surfing. It must have been a show from last year, as we always get those things a few months late. Not sure what the topic was exactly, but it was about positive thinking, Karma, vision boards...those kinds of things.

One woman told the story about her husband getting fired. Instead of commiserating and falling into a hole, they celebrated the fact that this must have been part of the universe's plan (They celebrated with champagne no less...). The couple believed that the guy was free to do something better and more fulfilling. Within six weeks he had an exciting new job offer.

WTF, right?

Well, when I went to bed around midnight, a re-run of the show was on. Hold on! Is the universe trying to tell me something? Do I need a more positive attitude? A vision board? Karma cleansing?
Hehe.

Decided that anything is better than being in a funk.
So, check this space for a picture of my vision board. Coming soon...

--
FROM: Wikipedia "Laws of Attraction"

Many people who accept the Law of Attraction as a guide for right living do so on the basis of their faith in the Universe and The Universe's 'Laws';...
... Some proponents of a more modern version of the Law of Attraction claim that it has roots in Quantum Physics. According to them, thoughts have an energy that attracts like energy. In order to control this energy, proponents state that people must practice four things:
Know what one desires and ask the universe for it. (The "universe" is mentioned broadly, stating that it can be anything the individual envisions it to be, from God to an unknown source of energy.)
Focus one's thought upon the thing desired with great feeling such as enthusiasm or gratitude.
Feel and behave as if the object of one's desire is already acquired.
Be open to receiving it.
Thinking of what one does not have, they say, manifests itself in the perpetuation of not having, while if one abides by these principles, and avoids "negative" thoughts, the Universe will manifest a person's desires.
This list of four steps, couched in quasi-scientific terms, is quite similar to, and was influenced by, the panentheistic "Seven Steps in Demonstration" first outlined in the book Become What You Believe by Mildred Mann (1904 - 1971):
Desire. Get a strong enthusiasm for that which you want in your life, a real longing for something which is not there now.
Decision. Know definitely what it is that you want, what it is that you want to do or have.
Ask. [When sure and enthusiastic] ask for it in simple, concise language. . .
Believe. Believe in the accomplishment with strong faith, consciously and subconsciously.
Work. Work at it. . . a few minutes daily, seeing yourself in the finished picture. Never outline details, but rather see yourself enjoying the particular thing . . . Eventually, you will see a time where it will just appear, as a gift or such, or you may see an opportunity to get what you were asking for.
Feel gratitude. Always remember to say, "Thank you, God [or the universe]," and begin to feel the gratitude in your heart. The most powerful prayer we can ever make is those three words, provided we really feel it. Feel as though you already have what you wanted.
Feel expectancy. Train yourself to live in a state of happy expectancy... Find a way it will appear in your life, and keep believing in that. May it be that someone gives it to you, or you find an initiation to get it.

Oh and CRAP: Apparently this is somewhat related to "The Secret". Pff. No fan of bestselling self-help stuff at all (And this might just me being jealous. I wouldn't mind having a crappy, bestselling self-help book. With tapes. And seminars. And stuff.).

Maybe the vision board will have to wait...

Walk On The Beach

2008-03-28T22:07:00.004+01:00

Just a few pix from today's walk. 4 hours with the wet wind in our backs...Somewhat cold and clammy, but hey, that's the Netherlands for you...

A Set Of Fresh Eyes

2008-03-26T20:36:00.005+01:00

It's interesting to see your home (or a place you've lived in for a while) with visitors. Strange little things about houses, everyday occurrences and people, which you yourself had noticed during your first weeks or months, are brought to your attention, once more...

It's like seeing a familiar place with a fresh pair of eyes again. Shiny, strange and new.
I like it.

Dutch tram.

House boat on a canal close to my apartment.

Sabotage!

2008-03-25T17:38:00.006+01:00

Well, how can I eat healthy and get in better shape again when Lulu and Simone bring this (gift from my mom):

Nah, thanks. Really. Delicious ears.

Bud or Bloom?

2008-03-25T16:48:00.011+01:00

Everybody has hidden talent. Uncovered potential. Secret skills lying dormant just waiting to be revealed.

A lot of people think they can write. They believe they have the next great American novel sleeping somewhere inside of them. Or a collection of deep and meaningful poems; poems that will enlighten readers' lives, make people look at the world differently. A new Leaves of Grass, Grapes of Wrath, The Catcher in the Rye even. Words and sentences to influence one or more generations of readers.
Hey, or if that's too high and mighty, maybe just a bunch of Danielle Steel or Stephen King novels that will generate tons of cash.

I bet almost everybody wonders if they could be a great writer. Somebody who can speak to people. Or, alternatively, be a great musician. Somebody who can speak to people through songs. Be a riveting guitarist or revolutionary songwriter.

The question is:
Why, if we feel this potential inside of us, do so many chose to never tempt fate?

Is it easier to dream? Keep wondering about the life and career that could have been? Is it simply comforting to have a fall-back fantasy?

Is it less painful to stay a budding writer/musician? Never trying is a great way to avoid risk. You'll never have to face the fact that you might not actually have any talent, that you might just suck at your dream.

But in the end, isn't a not so perfect or slightly damaged flower always better than a bud that never dared to bloom?

(Oh, I'm aware that this is overused imagery. Flowers and all. I just had some pictures to go with this. Haha.)

OK, Here's Cold Hard Evidence

2008-03-25T07:39:00.004+01:00

March 25 and this is what this place looks like. Sheesh.
Where is spring? Huh? Where?

On the bright side, I think the sun is coming out...

Sailing Solo

2008-03-21T20:41:00.007+01:00

I know I can
Weather this alone.
No restraints, no chains.
My thoughts my compass.
Silence my travel companion.

Facing this journey solo
Beats a lukewarm duet.
By far.

Still I'd rather
Be somebody's lifeline,
An anchor
A lighthouse, a home.

Speak With Conviction

2008-03-20T12:20:00.004+01:00

My ramblings on here and on message boards made me wonder about my use of language and the way I express my views.

I find it difficult to voice a clear and succinct opinion while trying to avoid sweeping generalizations and reproductions of half-truths/rumors/unproven facts. Well, and of course, I don't want to unnecessarily offend either...

I'd hate it even more though if I would be seen as wishy-washy: Not standing for anything. Changing my mind constantly. Too afraid to be criticized or attacked.
A person without convictions or a cause.

I have no solution for this problem. Yet. Just sayin'.
Harhar.

I admire this guy's work and use of language. Good stuff:

Totally like whatever, you know?
By Taylor Mali

In case you hadn't noticed,
it has somehow become uncool
to sound like you know what you're talking about?
Or believe strongly in what you're saying?
Invisible question marks and parenthetical (you know?)'s
have been attaching themselves to the ends of our sentences?
Even when those sentences aren't, like, questions? You know?

Declarative sentences - so-called
because they used to, like, DECLARE things to be true
as opposed to other things which were, like, not -
have been infected by a totally hip
and tragically cool interrogative tone? You know?
Like, don't think I'm uncool just because I've noticed this;
this is just like the word on the street, you know?
It's like what I've heard?
I have nothing personally invested in my own opinions, okay?
I'm just inviting you to join me in my uncertainty?

What has happened to our conviction?
Where are the limbs out on which we once walked?
Have they been, like, chopped down
with the rest of the rain forest?
Or do we have, like, nothing to say?
Has society become so, like, totally . . .
I mean absolutely . . . You know?
That we've just gotten to the point where it's just, like . . .
whatever!

And so actually our disarticulation . . . ness
is just a clever sort of . . . thing
to disguise the fact that we've become
the most aggressively inarticulate generation
to come along since . . .
you know, a long, long time ago!

I entreat you, I implore you, I exhort you,
I challenge you: To speak with conviction.
To say what you believe in a manner that bespeaks
the determination with which you believe it.
Because contrary to the wisdom of the bumper sticker,
it is not enough these days to simply QUESTION AUTHORITY.
You have to speak with it, too.

Too Much Stuff

2008-03-20T11:58:00.005+01:00

Somebody from work forwarded me this link: Story of Stuff

It's a 20-minute-movie about how 'stuff' is produced, used, and discarded in Western society. The clip is well-made and raises some interesting issues.

It got me thinking about how so many people are driven to own more and more stuff. Working towards the next promotion to earn more money, to buy more things, to drive a bigger car, to own a bigger house, to live a better life...
Well, a bigger life. A life with more stuff to show for your success.

This issue seemed overstated and exaggerated in the clip at first. After some more pondering and review of my life so far, I don't think it is.

Really, there are always more things we think we need. Clothes, electronics, books, cars, etc. It never freaking ends.
And does this stuff make your life better? In any way, shape or form?

Well, and it's bothered me for a while that "hanging at the mall"/going shopping seems to be a worthwhile free-time activity...Seriously? Just as nuts as making a trip to IKEA and their cheap food-court a family outing. Bah.

Back to the accumulation of stuff:
I've long felt bogged down by all the stuff I do own and all the stuff I should own.
Yea, I know, sounds weird, but in some ways I feel as if I'm not accomplished enough or am not where I'm supposed to be in life. Not only marital status-wise (or offspring-wise), but also because I have not amassed many of the typical "markers of success"...
More explicitly: No car, no house/apartment, no furniture...

I guess I'm a little conflicted: Should I start to finally get my ass into gear and work towards owning more stuff?
Or should I get rid of as many things as I can and stream-line my possessions?
Or impose a ban on myself? Go without buying anything for a certain period of time (Yea well, except food...)? How long could I do it? A month? Six months? A year?

I'll have to come back to this...

Along those lines, interesting link: A Life For Sale
I just love the idea of a completely fresh start...

Excuse Me, Ma'am, Where's Your Volume Control Switch?

2008-03-19T11:22:00.002+01:00

Yea, looks like this is turning into a site dedicated to bitching and moaning after all. Hehe.

I promise to post some more pictures of the Netherlands and maybe even some Australia ones on the weekend.

But first some more complaining:
Why is it that American women have no volume control? Really, I need to know.

I have no scientific evidence whatsoever to back this up, but the American women I encounter in my job are significantly louder than all the other women.
The lovely US ladies stand in front of my office and freaking yell at each other. Usually about something not very interesting, like their kids' free-time activities or their last vacation. They don't seem agitated (as in 'angry'), but for some reason have a need to share their stories with the world.

So I'm wondering:
Is this a trait which can be traced back to the wide open spaces of the American West? Did people have to yell at each other from vast distances?

Or is it a matter of being overly self-confident? "My story matters to me, so I'm sure everybody else would love to hear it, too!"

Whatever reason is behind this slightly annoying behavior: Keep it down, ladies!

Oh, and I found this blog: Welcome To The International Center For The Advancement Of World Peace And Quiet . A man after my own heart.

Repetitive Tasks

2008-03-18T12:30:00.008+01:00

So you're saying I'll have to do this for the rest of my life? Every day? At least twice?
Blah.

36-Year-Old Still Looking For Ways To Make Brushing Fun

SAN FRANCISCO-More than three decades after acquiring his first Pink Panther toothbrush, Mark Naasz continues to search unsuccessfully for new ways to make brushing his teeth fun, the 36-year-old Bernal Heights resident revealed Monday.

Yea, I know, The Onion is joking. I'm not. Really.

I often wonder how much time I spend doing mundane tasks. Think about it: Brushing my teeth, washing my face, brushing my hair, taking showers. Oh yea: Shaving excess body hair, getting hair cuts, plucking stray eyebrow hair...Sheesh, it never ends!
And that is just body maintenance...Then there's apartment cleaning, commuting to work, food shopping and preparation, etc. etc.

Not that I would necessarily fill the countless hours with something that much more worthwhile if I didn't have to do the 'upkeep'-stuff. Just saying'.

Oh, and I couldn't find any statistics about the number of hours I will have spent brushing my teeth over my expected 82 years of life.

But this is pretty cool, too:

Hmm, it says "with children", so maybe I'm closer to this:

The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics! What a treasure trove of information!
Love it.

What's With This Place?

2008-03-18T10:36:00.004+01:00

Guess this isn't really a complaint...More of a an observation I'm making while I'm standing there, scratching my head, going "Oh really? You are serious about this?"...

Left the apartment at 6:30 this AM, it had just started to drizzle. OK, fine.
One minute into the ride: Hail. Alright, I can handle it. About three minutes of serious hail. It basically felt as if it was coming at me horizontally. Hmm.
Hail stopped and went back to drizzle...

Half-way into the ride: Sunshine and a pretty glorious sunrise. Think yellow, pink and red; with light-blue on top. Neat.

7:10, as I'm approaching the school: Hail again.
Ha!

Oh, and around 8:10, when everybody else came in: Pouring rain.

Right now (10:30): Sunshine.

Insanity!

On The Road Again

2008-03-16T17:37:00.019+01:00

So I'm thinking I'll probably be more successful if I start looking for my MoJo on the road. Well, I haven't found it on the couch or at the bottom of a pint of Ben&Jerry's so far, so hey...

Went for a 30K-or-so bike ride in the drizzle. Ashamed to say that I have been on a run in that general direction (south), but have never made it this far (Even though I've been living is this apartment for about a year now...). Whoops.

Well, here are some pictures from the bike path towards Monster (Cool name for a town, huh?):

The beach in the area here is generally awesome.

I know I bitch and moan about the weather way too much (I've actually been wondering whether that's an age thing. I don't remember ever even thinking about the weather when I was younger. Now it seems to be a perfectly acceptable topic of conversation and a constant source of complaints...).
The Netherlands are (even by the most lenient of standards) NOT a country with good weather. To sum up: Lots of wind, rain and...oh yes, more wind.

Wait, let me back this up with some facts and not just anecdotal evidence:

"The climate is temperate, with gentle winters, cool summers, and rainfall in every season. Southerly and westerly winds predominate, and the sea moderates the climate through onshore winds and the effect of the Gulf Stream.

The position of The Netherlands—between the area of high-pressure air masses centred on the Azores and the low-pressure region centred on Iceland—makes the country an area of collision between warm and polar air masses, thus creating unsettled weather. Winds meet with little resistance over the flat country, though the hills in the south diminish by more than half the 13-mile-per-hour wind velocity that prevails along the coast. On average, frost occurs 60 days per year. July temperatures average about 63 °F (17 °C), and those of January average 35 °F (2 °C). The rainfall averages 31 inches (790 millimetres), with only about 25 clear days per year. The average rainfall is highest in summer (August) and autumn and lowest in springtime. The country is known—not least through the magnificent landscapes of Dutch painters—for its heavy clouds, and on an average day three-fifths of the sky is clouded."

Ha, The Encyclopedia Britannica knows Dutch weather. Hehe.

What I meant to say is: The weather isn't grand, but I love how Dutch people are out regardless. They just suck it up and go for a walk, bike ride, or run. Weather is not a deterrent. Good thing, too, otherwise the Dutch would permanently be stuck indoors...Pff.

The wind can be therapeutic sometimes, esp. along the beach. Nothing like battling against the wind (on the bike or on foot) and cursing. Harhar.

I wonder if this guy was cursing the elements. Sure had a lot of wind blowing against him:
This is what the dunes close to the ocean look like:
Oh, and this sad-looking thing will be a beach bar or restaurant soon enough. They take those down in the winter and re-build them in the spring.

And the grand finale for today: My filthy bike, a wet neighborhood street in Den Haag, and my dirty leg/foot. Good times.

Find Your Happy Place

2008-03-16T13:57:00.006+01:00

Decided I will have to channel my inner Austin-self and find my 'Happy Place' more often...Haha, I sound like a bad version of Dr.Joel McGraw-Robbins already...

Made a little movie with Austin and San Antonio pictures (First time with this program, so bear with me...). And yes: I really, really liked it there...

Baby let's go...Away from here...Don't be confused...The way is clear...
And if you want it you got it forever...This is not a one-night stand, baby, so...
Let the music take your mind... Just release and you will find...

Come To The Dark Side

2008-03-16T10:57:00.005+01:00

So really, is my lack of MoJo driving me insane? Am I that far in the no-motivation-hole that I'm willing to clutch at every straw presented to me? No matter who's at the other end? Am I easy prey for the dark side?

Seriously, I'm a little worried...

So I wake up this morning (late, of course) and while I'm trying to get going, I flip through the TV channels. It's Sunday, so one of the Dutch channels has some kind of religious service on. So does one of the German channels. Both look severely boring. Old oil-paintings of Jesus, priest in traditional garb, lame music...

I get to CNBC and who's preaching to the masses? Joel. Oh no, it's Joel....You know I cannot resist Joel...
I have a morbid fascination with him and he caught me at a weak moment. Damn. He's like this God-fueled motivational speaker...I block out the religious undertones and I really like listening to him.
Yea, I admit it. I like listening to a slightly manic-looking television-preacher from Texas. Sheesh.

Well, today Joel told me that my time will come or might already be here. As long as I work hard and believe in myself, good things WILL come to me.

Hey, who doesn't like to hear that? I think Joel (and maybe other TV preachers) are just like religiously-infused versions of Dr.Phil or Tony Robbins.

They are all making shitloads of money, and hey, why not? I have no problem with that. Especially since they have to keep up this upbeat facade of perfection all the time. I mean, Joel cannot show up and confess that he's having a shitty day and he really didn't feel like getting out of bed. Hehe.

Must be hard work to look like Barbie and Ken sometimes, don't you think?
Wahaha, really, they look like plastic dolls from hell. Stepford wife AND husband. I wonder who's at the controls? Hehe.
See, I guess I'm not a victim of the Lakewood megachurch just yet.

Back to all the motivational people on TV: They are not really hurting anybody and I think it's a good thing to hear their simple message every once in a while: Work hard, believe in your dreams, be a good person.

I mean, I can get behind that. No problem.
Hear that? I think that's my MoJo knocking on the door...

God Is Everywhere

2008-03-15T21:19:00.008+01:00

No no, relax. No spontaneous religious conversion here. Not very likely to happen anytime soon...
I just noticed that I think and post about a lot of personal/mood/rant-stuff. Maybe I have too much time to be self-centered and narcissistic lately...

So I decided to put up more pictures and more 'observation'-type writing. At least every once in a while to offset the me-me-me posts...Haha.

I took this picture in the gardens around the State Capitol in Austin, TX, last month. There were a bunch of statues and stones commemorating a number of things. The statue of a cowboy, a frontier woman and other things related to Texas history ("The surrounding 22 acres (89,000 m²) contained 17 monuments and 21 historical markers commemorating the "people, ideals, and events that compose Texan identity."). Pretty neat setup and I enjoyed my stroll around the area.

This thing just got me thinking and quite frankly baffled me a bit. Why put up the 'Ten Commandments' in the grounds surrounding the seat of the state government? Is it meant to be a sign that Christianity and government are or should be linked? Well, just seemed weird to me. First Amendment, anyone? Oh, apparently not just to me:

A granite monument of the Ten Commandments on the grounds of the Texas State Capitol was at the center of a 2005 U.S. Supreme Court case, Van Orden v. Perry, in which the display was challenged as unconstitutional. In late June 2005, the Court ruled that the display was not unconstitutional.

Holding: A Ten Commandments monument erected on the grounds of the Texas State Capitol did not violate the Establishment Clause, because the monument, when considered in context, conveyed a historic and social meaning rather than an intrusive religious endorsement.

Huh. Go figure. Well, I guess I see the point. Still slightly weird, in my opinion. You could also display some kind of slave-owner-manual and claim it's a historical document, no?

Well, then I also found this:

A tablet in front of a very sad looking patch of land with no roses. Well, it was February after all. But look at the last sentence: "The beauty of the Tyler rose is an example of what happens when God and man work together." Oh really?

Oh well, I don't know...Here are a few more pictures of less controversial memorials and statues:

I really liked this memorial. Looked pretty awesome in the sun, with the shadows creating odd patterns. Neat. It reminded me a little of the Vietnam Memorial in D.C.
The aforementioned Texas pioneer lady and the cowboy:

The boy scouts sponsored a small replica of the Statue of Liberty:
Oh, all quotes in this post from Wikipedia (Don't want to be accused of plagiarism after all. But I am too lazy to post exact links. Hehe). Pictures by Me.

Common Courtesy

2008-03-14T20:27:00.002+01:00

So while I'm on this testy bitching-binge, might as well write about this:

Whatever happened to common fucking courtesy?

When did it go out of style to hold the door open for the next person, say 'please' and 'thank' you and just generally be a pleasant person to be around?
Yea, beats me, too.

Quite a few people have asked me how I can always be so friendly and nice to people who come to my office (Yes, I know. You wouldn't necessarily be able to tell that I am a nice person from today's entries... Just venting...).
Why? Because it's part of my job to be welcoming and helpful. And because I try to be a positive in people's lives. It feels good to help others and give them a smile or make them giggle. No kidding.

Well, for all the people who annoy me with their non-social and non-friendly behavior. Just a few hints:

You come to my office and ask for a favor? -- Say 'hello' first, freaks!

Your food explodes in the microwave? -- Clean the mess up.

You use the last bit of toilet paper? -- Put a new roll in the thingy.

You drink the last drop of water from the water cooler? -- Put a new container in. Oh, and if you're too weak to do it: Tell me. I'll help you out.

I realize this type of stuff is the same in every office and everybody complains about it. Nothing new or terribly exciting.

I just don't understand what is so hard about these small tasks and gestures. Being courteous makes living/dealing with other humans so much more bearable.

So please: Be nice, for fuck's sake.

Oh, to add a positive twist: I get fresh flowers for my office every week. Nice, huh?
Thank you, work, I really appreciate it.
Hehe.

Man Up, Bitches!

2008-03-14T20:09:00.001+01:00

Preface: I'm wondering at what point I will have to declare this blog-thing "adult-only" because of language issues? Meh, I'll try to keep it somewhat clean, but sometimes a few choice swearwords are in order. Just for tension-release. They also add color to the discourse...no? Well, today's WTFs (Yes, as usual, more than one.) from work need at least some swearwords...

So, I'll admit it: I've been a little short-tempered and cranky at work lately. Some of it might be related to my stolen (well...lost, misplaced...whatever) MoJo (see yesterday's entry), or to my being underchallenged and bored quite a bit. OK. So grain of salt, I guess...

But: People are fucking freaks, man.

Exhibit A: I arrange substitutes for people who know that they will be gone in advance (conferences, etc.; somebody going home sick during the day). You fall ill after 4pm or in the AM, call the sub-line --> A sub will be arranged.
A few people cannot follow this (easy, right?) procedure. Dumbos.
----
So I get a call this AM at 7:55 (school starts at 8:30): In a whiny-ass voice the lady tells me she cannot come in. Something about a headache.
I get a little testy, telling her she's NOT supposed to call me, and there's no way in hell I'll get a sub in on time: "Why didn't you call the sub-line?" - "I just woke up." - Seriously? WTF? This just leads me to suspect you overslept and cannot be bothered to come in. Bitch.

Exhibit B: 8:00am, next "emergency": "The carpet in my room is extremely dirty. The people who used my room after 4pm yesterday left it a mess. Could you get somebody to clean it?" Sure, no problem.
--
Cannot reach the concierges. I forget about it. Complainer comes back. I try again. Find this older worker-dude and he helps me track down the cleaners (We're running all over the school, mind you.).
I go to the teacher's room; say the cleaners will be there in a minute: "Oh, it's too late now. I'll start the class in a minute." - Hmm, OK. Whatever.
I look over at the carpet. A fucking 6-by-10-feet thing with two small specks of dirt on it! Pick the darn thing up, shake it twice --> Problem solved. Argh.

Exhibit C: I get a call from a concerned mom. She cannot babysit another family's daughter after school, because she has her own sick child at home. Could the girl maybe go to the after-school program as a drop-in because it's an emergency situation?
Well, I ask the after-school lady. "No, no. It's not a drop-in program. We have enough kids to deal with already." Fuck.
So, I tell her that there's really no other alternative and please, could she make an exception? If she doesn't agree, I'd have to keep the girl in my office (Yea, tried to play it a little passive-aggressive. Hey, what was I supposed to do?) for an hour and a half.
Bitch isn't bothered and I'm stuck with a 5-year-old assistant. WTF?

(It was actually a lot of fun, hehe. We played with paper airplanes, delivered mail and ran some other errands...
But really? Is this how people operate? It's not my job, so I don't care?Let somebody else do it? Is that really the way you want to portrait yourself to your colleagues? Sheesh.)

Well, some other things that were equally minor, yet hugely annoying. Haha.

What gets me: So many people seem to think that minor tasks are beneath them. That somebody else will take care of it. That community-space doesn't need to be taken care of (Seriously, the principal is one of the few people who pick up a piece of trash from the ground here...Never seen anybody else do the same. I kid you not. They step over it. They SEE it and walk around it.). That you can treat people shitty because they are your aide, a concierge or a cafeteria worker.
Pisses me off.

And yes, Karma will come back to bite you in the ass ... and all those dumbos will come back as dung-beetles. Harhar.

Maybe I should have had more coffee today after all...

This Is Why I Love Bill Maher

2008-03-14T12:44:00.006+01:00

He calls it like he sees it. He's not afraid to offend anybody. He has a lot of strong opinions and puts them out there for the world to choke on them. Haha.

God, I wish I'd be more like that sometimes.

And for some reason, Maher manages to stay fairly civil and courteous while being direct. Or maybe that's just my perception of it. Hmm.
At least there's no beating around the bush with him. Very cool.

So here's his blog-entry from March 12, 2008:

Spitzer's Trysts: Stop Over-Thinking This
I'm going to throw the remote through the TV if one more news twink says something on the order of "When we come back, we'll look into what drives a successful man like Eliot Spitzer to risk it all..." Oh yes, let's convene a panel of experts for that. Let me help you: because he wants to get his nut off! Stop with all the analysis! It never ends, I hear all these people talking about how powerful people think they can get away with anything, so it's a thrill, or that it's for this psychological reason or this one -- please, he wanted to CUM WITH SOMEONE! Stop overthinking this: people need sex, and married people generally aren't getting it. Studies show (OK, I'm making that up, but it's true nonetheless) that people married 20 years only have sex on Valentine's Day, their anniversary, and their birthdays. You can hate me as the messenger, but it's true -- how can anyone be expected to still want to score with someone you've been having sex with for a score? Mr. Spitzer simply wanted what humans desire, to feel that sensational sensation when you're hot for someone, to touch and hug and bump and grind -- this is really not that complicated! If you're ascribing more to it than that, it's probably really more about your own fear that your spouse wants to do the same thing. Or is doing it. Married people are often starved for sex, touch, affection, not to mention the kinky stuff that wifey definitely won't do. So if you find yourself at such a place in life -- and this is most certainly wives as well -- where you're dieing like this, you can do one of three things: get divorced, cheat, or continue to live a life with little or no passion, sex, etc. It's easy to point fingers, but how about some recognition that society's rules are so at odds with human nature that there are actually no good options for an Eliot Spitzer, and the ZILLIONS OF PEOPLE JUST LIKE HIM, many of who are tut-tut-ing today. I guess a guy is a hero who sticks it out and leads a life of quiet desperation. I'm not so sure it's heroic to make him.

The sentence in blue really strikes a cord with me, too. And I'm not really taking it as a comment that refers to married people. Not at all.
How many people DO live a life of quiet desperation? Makes me sad to think about the numbers...

Seriously Now: Who Stole My MoJo?

2008-03-13T10:51:00.001+01:00

I'm really pissed off at somebody right now. I just cannot figure out at whom. Somehow I suspect I'm the culprit myself, but I'm not sure I'm ready to admit that. Haha.

I seem to have misplaced my running/workout/eating-healthy MoJo, and I would really like to get it back. I was doing really well from August 2007 to right around Christmas; logging decent miles, eating well, being generally optimistic about life...Well, there were some weeks in November and December when my MoJo seemed to make some well-crafted escape attempts...But it stuck around regardless...

Ever since Christmas I have a hard time to get my (expanding...GRR) butt out the door and away from the fridge/cabinets...

I did alright when I was on vacation in Austin, but it got worse after I got back. What gives?

So, MoJo: Come back? Please?

Oh, and I'm slightly relieved because other people seem to have similar problems...
Maybe I should drop this Gary-dude a line...

Holier Than Thou

2008-03-12T13:16:00.002+01:00

So why exactly is it that the people preaching the loudest are often the ones committing the 'crimes' they are so fervently denouncing?
Just baffles me.

So the governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer, uses his alleged superior morality and record as Attorney General to get elected. He goes after criminals with fervor:

"As state attorney general, he prosecuted prostitution rings with enthusiasm — pointing out that they are often involved in human trafficking, drug trafficking and money laundering. In 2004 on Staten Island, Mr. Spitzer was vehement in his outrage over 16 people arrested in a high-end prostitution ring." (from the NYT Editorial, March 11)

And then he goes and hooks up with a hooker? Seriously?

I'm telling you, 'holier than thou' always comes back to bite you in the ass.

And on a somewhat related note: I wish people would stop commenting on other people's relationships/marriages.
Nobody knows anything about the Spitzer family. Nor should they. The state of the Spitzer marriage, whatever agreements or problems they might have is their business. Simple as that.

And, don't push your morals on me and assume you know ANYTHING about me and my private life. Blech.

Flame Wars and Internet Cowardice

2008-03-07T15:21:00.001+01:00

So I'm somewhat addicted...ah, feck it...I AM addicted to these internet message boards and spend way too much time on there (Mostly during work hours, I'm ashamed to admit.). People are supposedly posting because they are all united by a love for running. Hmm. Yea. Maybe.

It's actually a surprisingly fun place to spend some virtual time at. People of different ages, gender, location, political preference, religion, etc. etc. hang out and post. There are: a daily "coffee thread"; threads dedicated to certain types of music; wordy political statements; game threads;...It's a pretty eclectic little world...And yes, you can also find race reports and the occasional running-related question or discussion.

So, like I said, I spend a lot of time on there, reading what others have to say and giving my own opinion.
I know what drew me to those boards in the first place (I was interested in running. Duh.). I'm not sure though what made me stay...and come back for more and more for over a year and a half now...

A few guesses and observations...
a. The message board (well, quite a few of the 'sub'-boards are like that) is a weird and very tight-knit little world of its own. It's hard to describe to people who don't frequent message boards (And you better not try to explain...They will just think you're a freak. Haha).
There are a bunch of very vocal and visible 'forum personalities'. They are completely out there with their opinions and stories.
I know about more about the sex-life of one female forumite than I care to know, really. Well, her alleged sex-life. Because that's the kicker: Who knows who's sitting behind that keyboard somewhere in Arizona (And is that where she really is? Hehe.).
Guess my point is that this message board is a place where people can reveal as much or as little as they care to reveal; a place where you can be completely yourself or be somebody completely different.
I am amazed at how much real information some people post. Some use their own name or have their picture as their avatar. Some often post pictures of themselves or of their kids.
Others reveal close to nothing and therefore have a huge anonymity benefit: They can sprout off their opinions and criticisms; no holds barred. They have never given a piece of themselves , never made themselves vulnerable...

b. Which brings me to my second observation: Some people are real assholes on the board. I'm no stranger to the occasional flippant comment or cynical remark, but some of the posters are just plain mean and hurtful.
Why? What kind of satisfaction could you possibly get out of putting other people down? In a virtual world nonetheless? Commenting negatively on their picture (and perceived imperfections) or condemning their political views/religion serves no purpose, in my opinion.
So I've been wondering: Are the posters (who are quick with a harsh smack-down and offensive comment) just internet-cowards? Or are they the same in real life?
And what about the people who let 'rude internet behavior' happen, i.e. don't comment and never call the bully on their lack of courtesy? Are they cowards, too?

Hmm. Guess I've been pissed off about a thing or two on the boards lately...

c. Oh, and it's not that I mind a heated argument or discussion. I actually enjoy those. In person and on the boards. They are usually fun to read; even if they degenerate a little bit sometimes. The flame-wars on the boards are certainly entertaining; unless they turn into name-calling. Oh well.

d. Good grief, I do not only spend too much time on the boards, I apparently also spend too much time thinking about them. Doh!

Enough for now...

A Sucker For Inspiration

2008-03-07T12:17:00.010+01:00

So here's a weird thought:
Almost everybody is a sucker for inspiration, but hardly anybody leads an inspired life.
-What's with that?

Well, maybe I'm just speaking for myself here...

I notice that there are a lot of inspiration-spreading methods out there (daily emails with quotes; calendars; all the Oprah-moments and -shows; videos on YouTube; etc.) and that there's apparently a truckload of money to be made with self-help/get your act together/live the life you've dreamed of - concepts (or scams, depending on your point of view. Hehe)...

Yet, many people seem to be defeated and without much joy in their life. I notice at work, with some friends and acquaintances, random encounters...A lot of grim faces, a lot of tiredness, grumpiness...a rather bleak outlook on life, its pleasures and challenges.

Not that I'm always cheery and inspired, but I try to be.
I try to see the small, everyday joys...The flowers on my bike ride home, the sun rising just above the horizon, the beauty of the ocean around here...
I try to be nice to people (or at least to the ones who deserve it. Haha.)...
I try to be a positive in people's lives, not an energy-drainer...

Well, anyway, I guess I've been a little grouchy lately, too. Not exactly sure why though.

Maybe it's because I feel a little aimless, listless, joyless...pretty much allkindsofthings-less. This might still be part of my 'vacation-hangover', but I also feel as if I need to make a decision about where I'm going with ... well, my life.

I'd hate to be one of those people of wasted potential or unfulfilled dreams...Suddenly realizing that life has made decisions for me...Feeling stuck in a cruel web of obligations and pressures that somehow crept up on me...

Right now, I feel my life is lacking real structure and goals (But I also have no obligations or pressures...Which is a good thing, I guess.). I have a lot of options...a lot of "roads in a wood" I could take. It's just a matter of taking the proverbial bull by the horns at some point...Hmm.

So, this might all sound a little confused. That's because I am, too.

Oh, and Robert Frost? Try having more than one road to take...

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Plus, a song that always makes me feel sentimental and hopeful at the same time...
Good Riddance

Just Call Me MacGyver

2008-03-06T13:55:00.005+01:00

So I'm ready to leave the apartment at 6:15 yesterday morning and I realize I didn't plug in the bike-light battery to charge the night before. Damn.
Didn't want to ride without a light, so I looked for the only other portable source of illumination: A flimsy key-chain flashlight. Rode into work like this:
Not exactly sure this was much better than no light at all, but hey... Felt both pathetic and MacGyverish.

Big Freaking Surprise

2008-03-06T13:18:00.005+01:00

Yea, cannot really say I'm surprised. Often works that way for me: Awfully good intentions, awful execution...

I don't know how some people do it...Post on their blog every day or (gasp!) even multiple times a day.
Either my life is way too boring or I'm just lazier than average...Probably both.

I have this long lists of things I want to write about (And I DO have scribbled notes; typed-up, half-finished pieces; old essay-drafts...) + a gazillion pictures on my computer and in two large cardboard boxes (which need to be scanned...sigh...). Still, looks like the level of posting-urgency hasn't hit 'orange alert' just yet...

So well, now at least here's a post about how I just couldn't be bothered to post.
Hey, it's a start.

What's Not To Love?

2008-02-12T06:13:00.002+01:00

So I always knew that I had a strange fascination with all things American...Not completely sure why that is, but I'll think about it a little more and come back to this topic...

Anyway, I seem to quickly develop a strange fascination with all things Texan...or Austin...or maybe it's still just a fascination with America...Hmm.

About Austin: There might be stuff that it is over the top or a touch too much Texas-pride...I haven't made up my mind yet. But seriously, how much can really be wrong with a city where you can get free copies of America's Finest News Source at every other street corner?
Yea. Not that much.
Also, a city that houses a awesomely named Hot Sauce Shop where I found "Fire Dust'd P-Nut But'r" (yea, Ok, stupid name, but what a concept! Blend peanuts, black pepper, garlic, chile caribe and halapeno peppers!) will always hold a special place in my heart...

Austin - A Few Pictures

2008-02-11T05:24:00.001+01:00

Beautiful day today. Checked out the running trail (I was the only doofus with a jacket and...soon enough a beet-red face) and walked around the city and the University of Texas campus.

Just a few pictures. Comments later...

Well, two comments:
Texas apparently has the biggest state capitol in the USA (Oh really? Haha. Why am I not surprised?).
The "Lone Star" is everywhere (Seals, stars, flag...). Cannot say I mind though. Must be the Bavarian in me. I like people who show some pride in their state and are not shy about showing it...

Mark Twain Made Me Do It...

2008-02-11T04:37:00.005+01:00

Yes, yes he did. It's not my fault...
I read a quote by Mark Twain a few weeks ago, and it inspired me to take this trip after all. My first-ever, all-solo trip. I've traveled alone before (most of the time, really), but it was always to go live somewhere or meet somebody...Never been on a vacation all by myself.

Oh yea, here's the quote:
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

I often feel as if I'm just a little too careful, a little too shy, a little too hesitant in the things I do. Not that nine days in Austin, TX, (of all places), will suddenly make me into a fearless explorer, but I guess I can call it a start...

I have nothing planned really, except for a 1/2-marathon race on February 17th. It's more an excuse for making the trip though, I guess. I really just wanted to get out of the Europe again...See if the U.S. still fascinates me the way it used to...See if I still like it here...See if I could really live here again...

Left the Netherlands yesterday morning local time. The non-stop flight to Houston took around ten hours, which is a long-ass time to spend in a tin-tube, I can tell you. I had two seats to myself, so I really shouldn't complain. Still, at about five hours in, I felt as if I should check my butt and hips for bed-sores...Haha.

Upon arrival, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security greeted me with a loudspeaker announcement of something or other about an 'orange alert' Please...After waiting in line for 15 minutes, I had to do a Mr.Spock-like-greeting to a finger-print-scanning machine. Right four. Right thumb. Left four. Left thumb. Picture. "What do you do here? How long will you stay? Where will you stay? Who is your employer?"
The officer was nice enough; still feels odd every time.

Flight to Austin went alright; picked up my rental car and found the hotel. I had completely forgotten how big everything is in the States, esp. the roads. Hmm.